6招让你成为谈话高手

在你向他人打招呼、发表评论或提问后，是否就没话说了呢？有6个关键的因素可以使你自然而轻松地维持交谈。

Do you run out of words after you say hello, make a comment, or ask a question? There are six key factors that will allow you to maintain a conversation naturally and easily.

·将注意力集中在你所在的环境中。

· Focus on your environment.

·平衡双向的信息交换。

· Balanced two-way information exchange.

·讨论那些对你很重要的话题。

· Discuss topics important to you.

·利用附加信息转换话题。

· Change topic with additional information.

·寻求共同的兴趣和经历。

· Seek out common interests and experiences.

关键1：将注意力集中在你所在的环境中。你可以就你们现在所处的环境的各个方面与其他人进行交谈。一旦你了解熟悉了你所处的环境后，这可以为你提供更多的交谈话题，你不需要去想接下来要谈什么。仅仅需要观察你周围的环境，就会发现可以提问的问题或评论的事情。向周围看而不是看自己。把你所处的环境想成一系列的同心圆。如果你能够将你的交谈集中在当时的环境中，那么就可以很容易地将你的话题扩展到下一个及时环境。比如说，如果你在一个成人教育班，那么教室就是你的及时环境，或是一个同心圆的圆心。在你讨论完教育班的话题后，你可以将交谈往外扩展到下一个圆圈，比如学校或社区。集中在你周围的方方面面，如其他的辅导班、大学校园、当地的餐馆、电影院、俱乐部等。当你继续交谈的时候，你可以将谈论的话题扩展到你住的地方、你上辅导班的原因、附近的娱乐场所、所在的城市或感兴趣的郊区。当你意识到有大量的话题可以谈时，你就不会觉得不知所措了。

Key # 1: Focus on your environment. You can talk to other people about all aspects of your current environment. Once you're familiar with your environment, it can provide you with more topics to talk about without you having to think about what to talk about next. Simply observe your surroundings and find questions to ask or things to comment on. Look around instead of at yourself. Think of your environment as a series of concentric circles. If you can focus your conversation on the current context, then you can easily expand your topic to the next context. For example, if you're in an adult education class, the classroom is your immediate environment, or the center of a concentric circle. After you've discussed your education class, you can expand the conversation to the next circle, like a school or neighborhood. Concentrate on areas around you, such as other classes, college campuses, local restaurants, movie theaters, clubs, etc. As you continue the conversation, you can expand the conversation to include where you live, the reason for your classes, nearby recreation areas, your city or suburb of interest. When you realize that there are plenty of topics to talk about, you won't feel overwhelmed.

关键2：“兴趣点”是在你和交谈对象都有浓厚交谈兴趣和交谈热情的区域。兴趣点可以是工作、一个新的岗位、爱好、事业目标、即将到来的旅行、体育活动、个人对社会的贡献，甚至包括性。兴趣点是人们真正感兴趣的话题和活动。兴趣点可以是一个终生的兴趣、一时的爱好、当前的喜好，总之是任何能吸引你俩兴趣的！

Key # 2: The "point of interest" is an area where you and your partner have a strong interest and enthusiasm in conversing. Points of interest can include work, a new position, hobbies, career goals, upcoming travel, sports, one's contribution to society, and even sex. Points of interest are topics and activities that people are really interested in. A hobby can be a lifelong interest, a temporary hobby, a current hobby, anything that interests the two of you!

尽可能快地发掘他人的兴趣点很重要，因为浓厚的兴趣非常有利于维持交谈。提问礼节性问题的一个目标就是发掘他人的兴趣点。当你了解了他人的兴趣点后，你就会知道怎样去“打开他”，你也能发现他认为重要的东西。你发现他把时间、金钱和努力放在什么地方，即他以什么为重。这是交谈的丰富材料，也是你明白对方的内心世界。另外，使某人敞开心扉的一个方式是寻求共同目标、经历和想法。

It's important to discover other people's interests as quickly as possible, because having a strong interest is a great way to keep the conversation going. One goal of asking polite questions is to find out what interests the other person. When you know what other people are interested in, you'll know how to "unpick" them, and you'll find out what they think is important. You find out where he puts his time, money and effort, and what he values. It's rich material for conversation and for you to understand the other person's inner world. In addition, one way to get someone to open up is to seek out common goals, experiences, and ideas.

如何发掘他人的兴趣点呢？当搜索他人的兴趣点时，尽量从礼节性问题中获得信息。当你收到一个热情的回应时，要表达出你对这个话题的兴趣。这不一定表明你要对这个话题有浓厚的兴趣，但是如果你可以有适度的或者轻微的好奇心的话，对你很有帮助。通常人们的穿着或者携带的东西是兴趣点指示剂。寻找体育设备、书、珠宝、衣服，或者任何其他可能为你提示他人兴趣点的线索。

How does > discover other people's interests? When searching for other people's interests, try to get information from polite questions. When you receive an enthusiastic response, express your interest in the topic. This doesn't necessarily mean you have a strong interest in the topic, but it can help if you have a moderate or mild degree of curiosity. Often what people are wearing or carrying is an indicator of interest. Look for sports equipment, books, jewelry, clothing, or any other clues that might give you a clue about someone else's interest.

人们经常通过“冰山”陈述表露他们的兴趣点，也就是说，他们只是表露了交谈的一个“尖端”，等待着他人询问详细内容。仔细倾听附加信息，问开放性追踪问题，鼓励人们接着谈他们正在谈的话题。你可以说：“我一直很好奇这件事情。你是怎么参与的呢？”

People often express their interest through "iceberg" statements, that is, they reveal a "tip" of the conversation, waiting for the other person to ask for details. Listen carefully for additional information and ask open-ended follow-up questions to encourage people to continue talking about what they're talking about. You could say, "I've been curious about this for a long time. How did you get involved?"

怎样向他人表露你的兴趣点呢？仅仅发现他人的兴趣点是不够的。记住，好的交谈是平衡的，所以也要做好去表露你的兴趣点的准备。分享你的兴趣爱好。当你与他人分享你的兴趣爱好时，尽可能详细地描述。提供大量的事件实例、时间和地点，以便对方可以获得更多的信息和想知道的问题。比如：我对……确实感到兴奋；知道吗，我最终会去……；我非常期待这个周末，因为……；我刚刚完成了……；我准备开始一个大的项目……。值得注意的是，如果对方对你所说的内容不太熟悉，不要使用行话或专业术语。注意避免太多的谈论你自己，使自己占用了过多的时间，而把别人冷在了一旁。让他人知道你的兴趣点是没错的，但要注意他人不一定要听你说完所有的。如果你得到了一个鼓励继续的信号（如几个追踪问题），那么继续你的交谈，直到你觉得应该把话筒交给他人了。

How do you show your interest to others? It's not enough just to find other people's interests. Remember, good conversation is balanced, so be prepared to express your interest as well. Share your interests and hobbies. When you share your interests with others, be as detailed as possible. Provide plenty of examples of the event, time, and place so the other person can get more information and questions. For example, I am very interested in… Feel really excited; You know, I'm gonna end up… ; I'm really looking forward to this weekend because… ; I just finished… ; I'm going to start a big project… . It's worth noting that if the person is unfamiliar with what you're saying, don't use jargon or technical terms. Be careful not to talk too much about yourself and take up too much time at the expense of others. It's okay to let others know what you're interested in, but be aware that they don't have to hear everything you say. If you get an encouraging sign to continue (a few follow-up questions, for example), continue your conversation until you feel it's time to hand over the microphone to someone else.

寻求共同的兴趣点。记住，交谈是学习的直接方式，可以让你学到很多你未曾经历过得事情，比如远游或跳伞运动。当你和你的搭档分享经历时，你们都可以从相互交换中获益。所以要记住卡耐基的简易：发现他人生活中真正的大事，鼓励他人交谈。寻找其他人的兴趣点，并表露你自己的，这样交谈就很容易继续。

Seek common interests. Remember, talking is a direct way to learn, and you can learn a lot about things you might not have experienced before, such as going on long trips or skydiving. When you share experiences with your partner, you both benefit from exchanging them. So remember Carnegie's simplicity: discover the really big things in other people's lives and encourage them to talk. Look for other people's interests and reveal your own so the conversation can easily continue.

关键3：平衡双向的信息交换。在一个愉快的交谈中，双方应该有意识的进行信息交换，这种信息交换应该在听者和说者之间达到平衡。愉快的交谈就像是一个传球游戏。对于交谈的维持和继续，参与者必须是一个积极的交谈者，也是一个积极的倾听者。交谈中要两者兼备。当人们交谈时，他们应该在同样的水平上交换基本个人信息、观点、想法、事实和细节。但这并不意味着是一个针锋相对的交换，而是一个交谈内容的基本平衡。这样做会促进彼此的信任。“好的听者”也许会觉得他们没必要表露关于自己的信息，那是无趣的、让人不耐烦的。如果一个参与者表露的太多，而另一方表露的很少，那就是一个不平衡的交谈。一个不平衡的交谈会使双方感到不舒服。一方可能在想：“我一直在谈，他却坐那里不声不响！”而另一方可能也会想：“他真烦，喋喋不休，这是一个永无止境的空谈——我几乎要晕倒了！”这就很容易理解，为什么一个不平衡的交谈往往会导致一个不良的印象。如果信息交流很平衡，包括礼节性信息、闲谈、以及深入的个人信息，那么，参与者都会觉得他们在以一种自然的、不受威胁的方式逐步地了解对方。从而你们的关系会有进一步的发展。

Key 3: Balanced two-way information exchange. In a good conversation, there should be a conscious exchange of information between the two parties, which should be balanced between the listener and the speaker. Good conversation is like a passing game. For a conversation to be maintained and continued, the participant must be an active conversationalist as well as an active listener. Have a conversation with both. When people talk, they should exchange basic personal information, opinions, ideas, facts and details at the same level. But this is not meant to be a tit-for-tat exchange, but a fundamental balance of conversation. Doing so will foster mutual trust. "Good listeners" may feel that they don't need to disclose information about themselves, that it's boring and annoying. If one participant reveals too much and the other little, it's an unbalanced conversation. An unbalanced conversation can make both parties feel uncomfortable. One person may be thinking, "I've been talking and he just sits there and doesn't say anything!" And the other person might think, "He's so annoying, he won't stop talking, this is an endless blather -- I almost faint!" It's easy to understand why an unbalanced conversation can often lead to a bad impression. If there is a balanced exchange of ritualistic information, small talk, and deeply personal information, participants feel they are getting to know each other in a natural, unthreatening way. Your relationship will take a step forward.

关键4：很有必要让他人知道什么对你是重要的、有意义的。表露你对其他人的看法和态度的最佳方式是讨论你关心和感兴趣的话题。可以是宗教、政治、时事等，但不管选择什么话题，都要采取积极主动的方式来表达你的感觉和想法。需要注意的是：当讲述你的重要事情时，注意不要把一切都原原本本地告诉对方，否则就是街头演说。不要抱怨你和对方都无能为力的事情，不要透露一些真正的个人情况，尤其在交谈的早期阶段。可以把一些更私人的事情告诉你的朋友。等你们建立了相互信任后再寻找最佳时机说这些。

Key # 4: It's important to let others know what's important and meaningful to you. The best way to express your opinions and attitudes about other people is to discuss topics that you care about and are interested in. It can be religion, politics, current events, etc., but whatever the topic you choose, take a proactive approach to expressing your feelings and thoughts. One thing to note: when telling important things about yourself, be careful not to tell the other person everything, otherwise it will be a stump speech. Don't moan about something that neither you nor the other person can help, and don't reveal anything really personal, especially in the early stages of a conversation. Tell your friends something more personal. Wait until you have established a mutual trust before finding the best time to say this.

关键5：利用对方给出的线索转变话题。愉快的交谈是主题和观点的交叉。一般来说把谈话圈定在相关主题领域内比较好，如果你们进入了一个新的领域，你就可以说，“言归正传……”这样，话题就又返回了。如果你们是第一次见面，那么在之前作一些准备，在交谈时会有良好的效果。不用到处打听，要自己发现交谈者的个人兴趣是什么。当你们坐下来共进午餐时，你可以简单地说：“我听说你擅长园艺，你做这个多久了？”或者“我听说你是……的志愿者，我很想知道你当时做了些什么事情”。如果你对他的兴趣一点也不了解，那么要特别注意附加信息。用他的附加信息提问。最常用的改变话题的方法是，参考之前给出的线索提问封闭性问题或者发表评论。就可以通过你或者对方给出的线索信息进行开放式提问而转变话题。

Key 5: Use the cue to change the subject. Good conversation is the intersection of topics and ideas. It's generally better to keep the conversation within relevant subject areas. If you're moving into a new area, you can say, "Back to business…" This brings us back to the subject. If it's the first time you're meeting, doing some preparation ahead of time will help you have a good conversation. Instead of poking around, find out for yourself what your conversationalist's personal interests are. When you sit down for lunch, simply say, "I hear you're good at gardening. How long have you been doing this?" "Or" I hear you're a… I'd love to know what you did." If you know nothing about his interests, pay special attention to additional information. Use his additional information to ask questions. The most common way to change the subject is to ask closed questions or make comments based on the clues given earlier. You can change the subject by asking open-ended questions based on clues you or the other person has given you.

有时候你可能只是想暂时改变话题。你需要做的就是说：“不好意思，但是我必须要插一句。”然后发表评论或者提出问题。尽量快地表达你的想法，然后很快回到你们原来的谈论的话题上来。注意要有重点的进行交谈。不停的转换话题给对方留下的印象是：你不关心这个问题，也表示你对现在这个问题很厌烦，不愿多说。如果对方只给你一个简短的回答，可能是他不太想谈论这个话题，要注意冷淡的回应。一些低级趣味或者令人不开心的话题都会让人觉得不舒服，可以不带任何感情色彩地说：“让我们换个开心的话题吧”。你已经提出了转换话题的建议，那么主动权就在你的手中，迅速接过交谈球，在你之前获得的一些线索和信息基础上，你可以发表评论或者提出开放性问题来启动新的话题。

Sometimes you may just want to change the subject for a while. All you have to do is say, "Sorry, but I have to butt in." Then make a comment or ask a question. Express your ideas as quickly as you can, and then quickly return to your original topic of discussion. Make sure the conversation is focused. Constantly changing the subject gives the impression that you don't care. It also shows that you're bored with the problem and don't want to talk about it. If the other person gives you a short answer, it's probably because he doesn't want to talk about the subject. Watch out for a cold response. Conversations that are tawdry or unpleasant can make people feel uncomfortable, and it's okay to say "let's move on to a happier subject" without any emotion at all. You've suggested a change of topic, so the ball is in your court. Take up the conversation quickly, and start a new conversation with a comment or open question, based on some clues or information you've received before.

关键6：让交谈伙伴知道你很认同他，这是很重要的。就像你遇到了一个人，你觉得和他很合得来、觉得他很理解你、并且你们是一个类型的人一样，在交谈中以某种直接或者间接的方式作出回应，让同伴知道你正在听他讲话并能理解和认同他所说的。

Key 6: It's important to let your conversation partner know that you agree with him. Just as you meet someone who you feel is a good fit, understands you, and is the same type of person, respond in some way, directly or indirectly, to let your partner know that you are listening and that you understand and agree with what they are saying.

快速地插话是对交谈对象的及时反馈，以这种方式让他知道你关心这个话题。如果你不让其他人知道你关心交谈的细节，那么他可能会以为你对这个话题不感兴趣。

A quick interject is a way to let the person you're talking to know that you care about the topic. If you don't let the other person know that you care about the details of the conversation, he or she may assume that you're not interested in the topic.

当你与对方的经历相似时，你也给他提供一些自己的信息以使他了解你。大多数人都想知道你和他们有什么共同的兴趣。当你遇到他人，并发现你们共同的兴趣和经历时，你们可以慢慢地去发展更亲密的关系。如果你们有足够的共同点，那么很有可能你们有共同的兴趣。当你发现你们有共同点的地方，立刻告诉对方，这是友谊形成的基础。

When your experience is similar to that of the other person, you also provide him with some information about yourself so that he can understand you. Most people want to know what interests you have in common with them. As you meet people and discover your common interests and experiences, you can take time to develop a closer relationship. If you have enough in common, there's a good chance you have common interests. When you see something you have in common, tell the other person immediately. It is the foundation of a friendship.